Experience Explodes Arguments
After six months of agony, it happened
overnight. It happened when my desperately wounded heart finally became
convinced God loves me. It happened when I suddenly knew My heavenly
Father truly had created all things for His pleasure—myself and loved ones
and you and your loved ones, and they and their loved ones, and they and
their loved ones. . . I woke up on May 1st of 1996 instantly
free from:
a deeply rooted fear of God’s
hopeless abandonment,
chronic manic suicidal depression,
any desire whatsoever for alcohol, even to this very day,
dependence on five prescriptions of anti-depressants and related
medications,
tormenting sexual night dreams and obsessions that had recurred off and on
since age twelve and had brought great heartache in my marriage,
self-hatred,
chronic insomnia,
a love/hate relationship with God and the resulting morbid perfectionism
that had nearly ruined my life and marriage.
After my attempted suicide in
August of 1995 my wife, Paula, was deeply heartbroken. She found herself
with no choice but to commit me to the care of a Christian psychiatric
hospital. I was also under the wonderful care of Helen Crossland, founder
of Homes of Hope Ministries, and the godly and refreshing influence of her
husband, Don. Bless them, bless them, Lord! Had it not been for their wise
counsel (as well as that of our on-going seasoned inner-healing counsellor
and spiritual mom, Carolyn Barnett), I probably would be a goner today. I
also thank God for the unconditional love, wise counsel, deep generosity,
and caring heart of Dr. Wanda Stephens, founder of Living Hope Institute
in Little Rock, Arkansas. I also owe much to Dr. David Haas for believing
in me when I had lost all ability to believe in myself. The same goes for
Dick King, who pastors Emmanuel Baptist Church. Also I owe deepest thanks,
along with Paula, to the proven friends and partners of our ministry. They
continued to support us financially during the very darkest days of our
lives. And I thank God for all who continue to do so. We will need support
as the Lord leads and anoints us to impart His healing hope to those who
weep under the shadow of darkness. Bless them abundantly, dear Father! And
bless all our dear and proven friends who have sacrificed much in order to
shower us with love and every kind of assistance possible. (And friends,
you KNOW who you are, need I mention?)
